As a child, I unconsciously negotiated with my siblings, over toys, candies, or other favors, like getting my picture clicked first.
Those were mild contests, shaped by bonds of love.
Negotiation requires at least two parties, though sometimes even one person negotiates with himself, silently, between the mind and the ego.
With the powerful, there is often no real negotiation. Power decides before the first word is spoken.
For example, a Tier 2 consultant negotiating fees with one of the worldβs top five chipmakers knows the outcome is already written by the dominant side, even before entering the room.
We negotiate only when something has value, sometimes for gain, sometimes just to suffer less. A loan haircut, as I saw during the financial crisis, was exactly that, losing now to avoid losing more later.
But negotiation is not always gentle.
Sometimes it aims for win-win.
Sometimes it seeks win-lose.
And sometimes it is designed to manipulate, so one side feels victorious while, in truth, it has lost. Advertisers know this well.
Companies negotiate too.
They negotiate with customers, selling razors almost free today to charge more tomorrow for blades, a lesson I learned well in transfer pricing.
They negotiate with employees as well, over growth, compensation, and commitment, though employees may not always disclose whether they feel they are winning.
How well we negotiate depends more on our inner state, which is stressful, calm, happy, fatigued, or excited.
I recall how conversations with the same tax officer felt different in the morning compared to late afternoon. Context shifts, so does conssensus.
I remember an off-roading trip in the Himalayas, reaching a chalet after hours on the road. Exhausted, I accepted the room tariff without a second thought. Fatigue had done the negotiating for me.
And yet, there are things we cannot negotiate.
Birth. Death.
Our entry into this world and our departure from it. Those remain beyond the reach of even the most skilled negotiator.
Perhaps, by reading this, you have already negotiated with me, trading your time and attention for my words.
Whether you won or lost depends on whether this note gave you value!